How to know when you are moved`

Moving from one city to another should seem an obvious thing. And it is. When you are there in your new city I mean. The weather is different, streetnames, people., your job (if you are that lucky) But settling in is different. At first things like a new library card, or registering to vote, drivers licence. After a while you get used to your new atm, writing out your new address, clicking on the right state when you fill out an online form. Supermarkets are easy. They are almost identical across the country. Some things don't change at all (like 800 numbers or 911). If you have a cell phone you don't even have to change how you dial a number. But then after a while certain things creep up on you. You see a bus while rushing and your brain gets weird flashbacks as the number brings back memories of another bus route in another city. Other things happen too. You stumble across a receipt and then realize it is no longer a receipt but a brief memory ride to what was your previous life. In Boston the bare trees at first don't seem too different. But after months of their black boney fingers extended against a grey sky. Well. It sinks in.

haunts

I used to think depression was a man made thing, that a human being was at ease with the universe as a regular state and that a human's non ability to relate to the world resulted in depression. Then I moved back to Boston. This city haunts me. Its' winter. It makes me want to watch grey films. Today it was sunny and the weather warmed up. People had on t-shirts and what seemed to be a complete amnesia as regards winter. Like it never happened. An old habit of mine, I saw sunshine so I grabbed a less thick coat. It was still a bit warm but since I would be coming back home as it was cooler it was fine. I walked part of the way to the station without it on. It felt fine.

But back to the haunting. I wake up in the winter and look out the window at a grey world. Tree limbs black, wiry prison bar fingers. Odd to think that without the proper clothing one could die in this weather. Shelter must be secured. The human body can only generate so much heat. Perhaps a person can only generate so much happiness.

The streets are depressing too. I often times wish for the old things. The worn aspect of it. Newness makes me uneasy. Things painted new and polished and manicured. These things I don't like.
And death surrounds me.

lights

I left the house in a hurry, stuffing an extra lense with my camera into my backpack. the only roll I thought I had left was 200 color. As I think of it I have some 400. Anyway the 200 was already in the camera. Night. 200 would not be enough and a telephoto would be dumb, unless I took pictures in the bar. I didn't. So, after the bar, at the T stop I had great views of the city, some snow flakes crossing, lights at the stop, lights along the tracks. Regrettably not enough light. I got frustrated and put the camera away and looked for a place to piss. It was at this time I decided in addition to keeping a notebook of what to photograph (and notes from past expeditions) I needed to keep a notebook of where to piss after drinking and on my way home. The T is a nightmare with a full bladder. Anyway after pissing this stop looked quite cool. The train came. I ended up in Copley Square. Street level, the bus was at the red light and I was thinking it must be leaving early. No it was 2 minutes late already. So...now I had a full roll of film and time. I went into the bus shelter and removed the doubler I had on the lens so I could go wide. Ahh...the lights on the front of the Boston Public Main Library were almost enough. I used the 2 bronze statues in front to frame these massive chandelier type lights. Always just barely enough light. Note to self, 400 or above for any outdoor shooting at night, and probably the same if I want to add the doubler. A whole role of film of lights, just those lights. Framed by the staues, sometimes on their own. I'd like to get to brick soon.

interview

today I went on an interview to a coffee shop. It went ok. I never thought I'd go back to making coffee but after a year of no work well I am stuck. A full time job at that. The bright side? With it being full time I wont have too much time to think about how bad it sucks I will just see a paycheck develop. The interviewer asked me straight up if this was just something till something better comes along. Whenever is it not that.