haunts

I used to think depression was a man made thing, that a human being was at ease with the universe as a regular state and that a human's non ability to relate to the world resulted in depression. Then I moved back to Boston. This city haunts me. Its' winter. It makes me want to watch grey films. Today it was sunny and the weather warmed up. People had on t-shirts and what seemed to be a complete amnesia as regards winter. Like it never happened. An old habit of mine, I saw sunshine so I grabbed a less thick coat. It was still a bit warm but since I would be coming back home as it was cooler it was fine. I walked part of the way to the station without it on. It felt fine.

But back to the haunting. I wake up in the winter and look out the window at a grey world. Tree limbs black, wiry prison bar fingers. Odd to think that without the proper clothing one could die in this weather. Shelter must be secured. The human body can only generate so much heat. Perhaps a person can only generate so much happiness.

The streets are depressing too. I often times wish for the old things. The worn aspect of it. Newness makes me uneasy. Things painted new and polished and manicured. These things I don't like.
And death surrounds me.